I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize