"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
