So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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