I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize