I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so let's talk penis.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
But theres a keg here and me gusta
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize