Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
