My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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