I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
