it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
