you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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