Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
