Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
