I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
