You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
