The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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