You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
