But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize