i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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