you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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