There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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