She is in my trunk
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
