i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
