If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
