i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Come on in and take your pants off
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