I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
