When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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