I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
