i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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