And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
