part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
