My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize