I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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