Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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