the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
