you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Randomize
