I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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