another moral hangover. fuck.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
