My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
