i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize