So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
love makes seman taste better
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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