My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
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