my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
