My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
