i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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