I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
