nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
