I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
