Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
