drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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