Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize