It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
