It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
