My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
