my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
