well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
