I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Randomize
