Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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