FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You are a booty call, not a friend.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
