How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
