You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
