He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
two words: eviction party
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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