Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
