I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
