This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
