so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Randomize
