i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
