So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize