I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
