he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
