shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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