I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
