So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize