i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
