Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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