So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
