??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
