i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
it's like iHOP with fire
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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