WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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