JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
