hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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