It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
