where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
