She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize