So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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