i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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