I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
