At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Houston, we have a squirter
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
