We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
