So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
