Swine flu. Run for my life!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
