Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
