Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
a search helicopter?!
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
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