Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You took a bar mat shot.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just gargled with NyQuil
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
