this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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