Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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