His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
