I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
