I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
