so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
