I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
