Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
