Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize