So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Who died my cat blue again?
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