we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
