She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she told me i tasted like america
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
