Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
