i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The adults are the big ones right?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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