He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
